Saturday, 17 March 2012

My Head. Be warned, madness a head...hehe get it?


I’ve never been so stressed over anything in my life. Not that I’m someone who gets stressed overly much. It feels like my whole future relies on me getting 6 As. Apparently, that’s the equivalent now. Maybe I regret doing the IB. I don’t know. I don’t like making a habit of analysing every action I do. What’s the point in that? If I make a mistake, my instincts should tell me whether I’m about to repeat it.

It’s weird how in categorising everything it makes us feel better. If I just left everything in the jumble of emotions and second guessing that it is now I’d be like a ball of static wire, not able to separate one thing from another. I think that’s why writing is so relaxing for the people that do it. It forces us to categorise everything and put it in black and white. It helps our emotional minds to function when we rationalise everything.

But I still really hate analysing everything I do.

Even thinking about not doing it. I’m still doing it. Just writing this feels controversial in my head. That’s how scrambled my brain is right now. All I need to do is make the outside world fit with the inside of my head and everything would be fine. If society didn’t teach us all these bloody rules and the secret to avoiding regrets maybe I’d be more at peace with myself.

Who knows.

I don’t.

I don’t even know what I’ve just written.

If you do, well done. Give yourself a pat on the back. Feel superior and see how little that really matters. Cos really, it’s my head we’re talking about. If I don’t understand it, you never will.

I’M GOING TO SPAIN. University is less exciting to me right now.

Sunday, 11 March 2012

Some rambling

Well I suppose like most people doing this I am in fact meant to be working.


But I want to start this blog NOT thinking about how stressful the next few months are going to be..but appreciating life in general.

I'm serious. If you want to read something more interesting....move on :)

I just walked into my room earlier and I had to stop and just drink it all in. The lovely sun <which is actually not that warm> was shining through my window, lighting up the various crystals I seem to be collecting and making my usual drab pink room into a dazzling Sanctuary. Just ignore the Chemistry revision on the wall.

My bed was just calling out to me. I like sitting on my bed to do work. Of course this means that over the course of the more slow weekends I don't actually move that much. It's literally like, get up, clothes on, morning stuff, back to bed to work, eat a bit, procrastinate a bit, eat a bit, work a bit, get bored a bit, melt into my bed with tiredness and sleep.

That is the reality of my slow days. They are beautiful.

I'm really going to miss this place when I go to uni. It won't be the same  :S

There also won't be a sister there. They are very nice to have around. Honestly. I never fight with my sister beyond asking her to remove the disaster zone of crap she has on the floor. Which she never does. I don't push it, cos I'm cool like that. Not like our mum. Anyone else who wants to appreciate their sister in a blog, do so. It makes you feel better about living every minute of the day with them when you live in harmony :)

For example. I noticed my sister was eating the last packet of Prawn Cocktail crisps. I was mourning this fact until she gave me some. Just out of the goodness of her heart. XD Little things liike this make me appreciate my lovely sister.

Another thing I appreciate is my lovely friends. I mean everyone says this. But really, I don't just mean "Hi how are you?" friends or "I have you on facebook but I don't really mind if I never see your status again" friends. My friends understand. They don't always ask what's wrong. They don't need to. For example. I have a very distinctive tired face. Whenever my friend sees this face he just says "Oh Tori" and gives me a hug. That makes my day a bit brighter. My other best friend, we have a thing that we like being optimistic around each other. Obviously we have the occasional "Why is everything so awful?" conversations but being happy around other people makes me feel like I'm floating. And my best friends are just like "yay happiness!" These are the hippy moments of our generation. We would tie dye our shirts, live in a VW camper and go around bare feet if we could.

These are the lovely people I hang round with. Obviously there are others, but these two have impacted my life so much. It honestly made my days at college a whole lot brighter.

Cool. This appreciation blog is going well. I may have to write a contrasting blog at some point. Until then SPREAD THE APPRECIATION. IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT EVERYTHING!!!

lol. My sister started singing. She is tone deaf.

Theme for this blog - "The Cave" by Mumford and Sons

Love life :)