I’ve never been so stressed over anything in my life. Not that I’m someone who gets stressed overly much. It feels like my whole future relies on me getting 6 As. Apparently, that’s the equivalent now. Maybe I regret doing the IB. I don’t know. I don’t like making a habit of analysing every action I do. What’s the point in that? If I make a mistake, my instincts should tell me whether I’m about to repeat it.
It’s weird how in categorising everything it makes us feel better. If I just left everything in the jumble of emotions and second guessing that it is now I’d be like a ball of static wire, not able to separate one thing from another. I think that’s why writing is so relaxing for the people that do it. It forces us to categorise everything and put it in black and white. It helps our emotional minds to function when we rationalise everything.
But I still really hate analysing everything I do.
Even thinking about not doing it. I’m still doing it. Just writing this feels controversial in my head. That’s how scrambled my brain is right now. All I need to do is make the outside world fit with the inside of my head and everything would be fine. If society didn’t teach us all these bloody rules and the secret to avoiding regrets maybe I’d be more at peace with myself.
I don’t even know what I’ve just written.
If you do, well done. Give yourself a pat on the back. Feel superior and see how little that really matters. Cos really, it’s my head we’re talking about. If I don’t understand it, you never will.
I’M GOING TO
University is less exciting to me right now. SPAIN